天啊 这好奇怪 Man, this is weird.
你有没有发现脆脆船长的眉毛长在他的帽子上？ Ever realize Cap'n Crunch's eyebrows are on his hat?
那就是奇怪的地方？ That's what's weird?
乔伊 那人当了40年的早餐谷片船长 The man's been captain of a cereal for 40 years.
哇 真恶心 Whoa, yuck!
怎样？ What?
汤匙 你舔过后放回去 The spoon! You licked and you put.
你舔过后放回去 You licked and you put.
对 那又怎样？ Yeah, so?
你没发现这有多恶心吗？那等于是你用我的牙刷 Don't you see how gross that is? It's like you using my toothbrush!
你用过我的牙刷？ You used my toothbrush?
那是因为 我用红色那根通排水孔 Only because I used the red one to unclog the drain.
我的是红色那根 Mine is the red one!
天啊 揭开封印 到处有鬼 Oh, God! Can open. Worms everywhere!
我们为什么不能用同一根牙刷 Why can't we use the same toothbrush...
却能用同一块香皂？ but we can use the same soap?
因为香皂是香皂 那会自我清洁 Because soap is soap. It's self-cleaning.
下次你洗澡时… The next time you shower...
想想我最后洗什么 而你最先洗什么 think about the last thing I wash and the first thing you wash.
没有人告诉你活着有多累 ∮ So no one told you life was gonna be this way ∮
上班受罪 口袋空空 爱情变累赘 ∮ Your job's a joke, you're broke, your love life's D.O.A. ∮
寂寞又潦倒 受气又受累 ∮ It's like you're always stuck in second gear ∮
日复一日 年复一年 ∮ When it hasn't been your day, ∮
时运不济 活着受罪 ∮ your week, your month, or even your year ∮
你我永不离弃 ∮ but I'll be there for you ∮
纵有狂风暴雨 ∮ When the rain starts to pour ∮
你我永不离弃 ∮ I'll be there for you ∮
支持一如往昔 ∮ Like I've been there before ∮
你我永不离弃 ∮ I'll be there for you ∮
你我相偎相依 ∮ 'Cause you're there for me too ∮
- 嘿 - 嘿 - Hey. - Hey.
看看你们这些型男 Look at you fancy lads!
是什么场合？ What's the occasion?
记得我的电视剧里那个演昏迷不醒的人吗？ You know that guy on my show that's in a coma?
他要请我吃早午餐 He's having a brunch.
就等你了 Ready when you are.
真不敢相信你们居然要刺青 I can't believe you're actually getting tattoos.
打个岔 你们要刺青？ You guys are getting tattoos?
对 但你不能告诉罗斯 因为我想给他惊喜 But you cannot tell Ross because I wanna surprise him.
好狂放 你要刺什么？ Wow, this is wild! What are you gonna get?
我要刺一朵百合 I'm getting a lily.
纪念我妈 因为她叫百合 For my mom, because her name's Lily.
运气真好 假如她叫丑大污点呢？ That's lucky. What if her name was Big Ugly Splotch?
- 你想刺在哪里？ - 我肩膀上 - Where you getting it? - On my shoulder.
什么？ What?
什么在你肩膀上？ What's on your shoulder?
皮包 A chip.
- 刺青 我要去刺青 - 刺青？ - A tattoo. I'm getting a tattoo. - A tattoo?
为什么？你为何要这么做？ Why? Why would you wanna do that?
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hi. - Hi.
你不觉得刺青蛮酷的？ You don't think they're kind of cool?
不 抱歉 我不觉得 No. Sorry, I don't.
为何有人要付钱请师傅 在身上留下一辈子的伤痕？ Why would anyone pay someone to scar their body for life?
假如刺得不对劲呢 菲比？ What if it doesn't come out right?
那就像老是顶着剪坏的发型 It's like having a bad haircut all the time.
为什么大家都盯着我看？ Why is everyone staring at me?
罗斯 过来签给爸的生日卡 理查快要来了 Sign this card for Dad. Richard will be here soon.
理查也要参加派对？ Richard's going to the party too?
他是我父母最好的朋友 他非得到场不可 He's my parents' best friend. He has to go.
那你打算今天告诉他们你们的事吗？ So is today the day you'll tell them about you two?
是啊 我决定送我爸中风当他的生日礼物 Yeah, for my dad's birthday, I decided to give him a stroke.
不 我想你应该告诉他们 No, I think you should tell them.
不 我不知道他对我有多认真 在知道前 我什么都不说 I don't know how serious he is. Until I do, I won't say anything.
很难说 我不认为爸妈会在意 I don't think Mom and Dad would mind.
记得你9岁 理查30岁时 爸爸老是说… Remember when you were 9 and Richard was 30, Dad said:
"天啊 真希望他们在一起" "God, I hope they get together."
可以进了吗 Shall we?
好 等一下 Okay, wait.
你知道吗？ You know what?
罗斯 我们换位子 你在中间 Ross, let's switch places. You get in the middle.
这样看起来像是我们想隐瞒什么 This looks like we're trying to cover something up.
摩妮卡 就算你你骑着他进去 他们还是不会相信 You could come in straddling him, they still wouldn't believe it.
我们到了 We're here!
- 嗨 孩子们 - 小孩到了 - Hi, kids! - The children!
- 生日快乐 爸 - 谢谢 - Happy birthday, Dad. - Thank you.
生日快乐 Happy birthday!
你们两个谢过柏克医生载你们吗？ So you kids thanked Dr. Burke for the ride?
事实上 妈 我想摩妮卡代我们两人谢过他了 Actually, Mom, I think Monica thanked him for the both of us.
你们是坐火车来的？ So you kids take the train in?
不 理查·柏克载他们来的 No, Richard Burke gave them a ride.
提到他啊… Speaking of whom...
我听说他在城里 跟20岁的无脑嫩妹在交往 I hear he's got some 20-year-old twinkie in the city.
手指抽筋 天啊 Finger cramp! Oh, God!
对不起 来 我来清 妈 Sorry. Here, let me get that, Mom.
所以说理查在青少年区购物？ So Richard's shopping in the junior section?
我们还在提那码子事？ Are we still on that?
想也知道她的智商 跟餐巾纸一样高 You just know she's got the IQ of a napkin.
她说不定连漂亮都算不上 She's probably not even pretty.
只是够年轻 所以一切都还坚挺 Just young enough so that everything is still pointing up.
你能相信这地方吗？ Can you believe this place?
我了解 这间公寓真棒 I know. This is a great apartment.
我刚上过洗手间 两侧都装了镜子 In the bathroom there's mirrors on both sides of you.
你在上时 好像跟火箭女郎一起尿尿 When you're in there, it's like peeing with the Rockettes.
我的幻想成真了 Well, there's my fantasy come true.
这是说真的 Seriously.
嗨 Hey.
我们正好说到这间公寓真棒 We were just saying, great apartment!
谢谢 你想租吗？ Thanks. You want it?
我要搬到更大的地方 I'm moving to a bigger place.
你应该租下这间 You should take this one.
你能想像我住这种地方吗？ Can you see me in a place like this?
有何不可？你讨厌公园景观和挑高天花板吗？ Why not? You hate park views and high ceilings?
来 我带你参观厨房 Come on, I'll show you the kitchen.
没关系 我今天早上看过一间厨房 That's all right, I saw a kitchen this morning.
在电视上 On TV.
别讲话了 好吧 Stop talking. Okay!
- 来吧 告诉我们 - 她真的20岁吗？ - Come on, tell us! - Is she really 20?
我什么也不告诉你们 I am not telling you guys anything.
拜托 理查 今天是我生日 让我想像过那种生活的滋味 Come on, it's my birthday. Let me live vicariously!
爸 你真的不该这么做 Dad, you really don't want to do that.
朋友之间谈论下中年危机又怎样？ What's a little midlife crisis between friends?
杰克 你别逼问好吗？ Would you let it go?
我知道你的心路历程 我满50岁时 买了保时捷 I know what you're going through. When I turned 50, I got the Porsche.
你则得到自己的"小跑车" You got your own little speedster.
- 说真的 不是那样 - 我告诉你 - Seriously, it's not like that. - Tell you what.
也许找个周末 你可以借我的车 而我可以… Maybe one of these weekends you can borrow the car and I could...
爸 我恳求你别把话讲完 Dad, I beg you not to finish that sentence!
什么？我只是开玩笑 What? I'm kidding!
你知道我绝不会让他碰那辆保时捷 You know I'd never let him touch the Porsche.
好 瑞秋 Okay, Rach.
哪一种百合？这种百合还是那种百合？ Which lily? This lily or that lily?
- 我… - 我喜欢这种百合 - Well, I... - I like this lily.
那绽放得更灿烂 就像我妈 It's more open and that's like my mom.
她有更开放而奉献的精神 She had a more open, giving spirit.
莱亨鸡 Foghorn Leghorn!
金发女？你到二号房 Blond girl? You're in room two.
没那么金发女 你跟我来 Not-so-blond girl, you're with me.
- 要开始了 - 恩 - Here we go! - Uh-huh.
你不去 You're not going.
嗯-哼 Uh-huh.
跟罗斯说的话有关吗？ Is this because of what Ross said?
不是 No.
- 是吧 也许 - 我不敢相信 - Well, yeah, maybe. - I don't believe this.
你谈这段恋爱都要这样吗？罗斯等于老板？ Is this how this relationship works? Ross equals boss?
拜托 什么年代了 还是1922年吗？ Come on, what is this, 1922?
1922年怎么了？ What's 1922?
只是指很久以前 Just, you know, a long time ago.
那个年代的男人经常指使女人 When men used to tell women what to do a lot.
然后有了投票权 这是好事 不过听起来很糟糕 Then there was suffrage, which was a good thing. But it sounds horrible.
你想要刺青吗？ Do you want this tattoo?
我想 只是罗斯… Yes, I do. It's just that Ross...
你的男友是你老板吗？ Is your boyfriend the boss of you?
不是 No.
你的老板是谁？ Who is the boss of you?
你？ You?
不 你是你自己的老板 No. You are the boss of you!
大摇大摆走进去 在臀部刺上那刺青 You march in there and get that tattoo on your hip!
去 Go!
你还好吗？ How you doing?
我成了无脑嫩妹 I'm a twinkie!
真的？我成了英雄 Really? I'm a hero.
这真难应付 This is so hard.
我懂 我也讨厌这样 Yeah, I know. I hate it too.
听着 也许我们该对他们直说 Look, maybe we should just tell them.
也许我们该先告诉你父母 Maybe we should just tell your parents first.
我父母都过世了 My parents are dead.
天啊 你真好运 God, you are so lucky!
我是说… 你懂我的意思 I mean... Well, you know what I mean.
撑下去 好吗？ Just hang in there, okay?
好 我先出去 好吗？ Okay, I'll go out first, all right?
茱蒂 你想上洗手间 真不错 Judy! Going to the bathroom. Good for you!
谢谢你 理查 感谢你的支持 Thank you, Richard. I appreciate the support.
亲爱的 Honey.
看到我的哈蒙基勒博球棒了吗？劳勃不相信我有 Seen my Harmon Killebrew bat? Bob doesn't believe I have one.
不知道 I have no idea.
你知道理查在城内 交了个无脑嫩妹吗？ Did you know Richard has a twinkie in the city?
我知道 他焕然一新 像是电影《魔茧》的情景 I know. He's a new man. It's like a scene from Cocoon.
我只是无法想像 理查跟无脑辣妹在一起 I just never would have pictured Richard with a bimbo.
他似乎告诉强尼夏皮洛说 她很棒 He told Johnny Shapiro that she's quite a girl.
其实他告诉强尼 他觉得自己爱上她了 He told Johnny that he thinks he's falling in love with her.
- 真的？ - 我从没看过他这么快乐 - Really? - I've never seen him this happy.
所以说 杰克… So, Jack...
有没有想过 把我换成更年轻的模特儿？ ever think about trading me in for a younger model?
当然没有 Of course not.
跟你一起 我像是交了两个25岁小妞 With you, it's like I've got two 25-year-olds.
杰克 别这样 Oh, Jack, stop!
来吧 Come on!
这是我生日 It's my birthday!
我们别提了好吗？ Can we drop this?
我对那男的公寓不感兴趣 I am not interested in the guy's apartment.
拜托 我看到 你查看他壁饰的样子 Oh, please. I saw the way you were checking out his moldings.
你想要它 You want it.
我为何想要另一间公寓？ Why would I want another apartment?
我已经有我喜爱的公寓 I've already got an apartment that I love.
你偶尔这么说又不会死 It wouldn't kill you to say it once in a while.
好 你想听真话？我是在考虑 All right. You want the truth? I'm thinking about it.
- 什么？ - 对不起 - What? - I'm sorry.
我28岁了 从来没一个人住过 I'm 28. I've never lived alone...
我现在的状况是 终于拥有足够的钱 and I'm at a place where I got enough money...
我不再需要室友了 that I don't need a roommate.
我也不需要室友 Whoa, whoa, whoa. I don't need a roommate either.
我负担得起自己住在这里 I can afford to live here by myself.
我也许得每周带个人过来舔一次餐具 I may have to bring in somebody once a week to lick the silverware.
你为什么这样在意？ Why are you getting so bent out of shape?
我们又不是协议 要永远住在一起 We didn't agree to live together forever.
我们不是布偶毕特和恩尼 We're not Bert and Ernie.
你知道吗？ You know what?
假如你是这种感觉… If this is the way you feel...
也许你该去租那间公寓 then maybe you should take it.
- 我就是那种感觉 - 那么也许你该租下来 - That's how I feel. - Then maybe you should take it!
也许我会租 Maybe I will!
- 我不介意 - 太好了 - Fine with me! - Great!
这样你就能花更多时间 和真正的朋友… You can spend more quality time with your real friends...
汤匙相处 the spoons!
谁需要我补充饮料？ Whose drink can I freshen?
快要切蛋糕了 Almost time for cake!
摩？ Mon?
摩妮卡 你还好吗？ Mon, are you okay?
- 你记得我发现 爸妈做那档事的影片吗？ - 嗯？ - Remember that video of Mom and Dad? - Yeah?
- 我刚亲临真人秀 - 呃 - Well, I just caught the live show. - Ew!
- 你呀… - 怎样？ - Hey there. - What?
没事 我刚听说你的好事 Nothing. I just heard something nice about you.
真的？ Really?
理查 Richard?
- 你儿子没在跟人交往 对吧？ - 就我所知没有 - Your son isn't seeing anyone, is he? - Not that I know of.
我在想 他能不能 打个电话给摩妮卡？ I was thinking, why doesn't he give Monica a call?
这算是一个点子 That's an idea.
其实我已经在跟别人交往 Well, actually, I'm already seeing someone.
喔？ Oh?
哦 Oh...
她什么都不告诉我们 She never tells us anything.
罗斯 你知道 摩妮卡在跟人约会吗？ Ross, did you know Monica's seeing someone?
妈 我生命中有好多人 Mom, there are so many people in my life.
有些人有在约会 有些人没有 Some are seeing people and some aren't.
那是水晶吗？ Is that crystal?
那个神秘男子是谁？ So who's the mystery man?
他是个医生 Well, he's a doctor.
真正的医生？ A real doctor?
不 是肉类医生 No, a doctor of meat.
他当然是真的医生 Of course he's a real doctor.
而且他很英俊 And he's handsome.
很体贴 我知道你会喜欢他 And he's sweet, and I know you'd like him.
太好了 Well, that's wonderful.
妈 没关系 Mom, it's okay.
是的 茱蒂 It is, Judy.
杰克 Jack!
你能进来一下吗？ Could you come in here for a moment?
马上 Now!
- 找到了 - 我拿着 爸 - Found it! - I'll take that, Dad.
看来你女儿和理查算是凑成一对 It seems your daughter and Richard are something of an item.
不可能 他在城里交了个嫩妹 That's impossible. He's got a twinkie in the city.
爸 我就是那嫩妹 I'm the twinkie.
- 你是那嫩妹？ - 她不是无脑嫩妹 - You're the twinkie? - She's not a twinkie!
听着 这是我长久以来 最棒的恋情… Look, this is the best relationship I've been in...
拜托 恋情？ Oh, please! A relationship?
对 恋情 Yes, a relationship!
顺带告诉你们 我为这男人痴狂 For your information, I'm crazy about this man.
真的？ Really?
是的 Yes.
我应该在我生日当天 站着听这种事吗？ Am I supposed to stand here and listen to this on my birthday?
爸 这对我是件好事 你自己说没见过理查这么快乐过 This is a good thing. You said you've never seen Richard happier.
我什么时候说的？ When did I say that?
在楼上浴室里 就在你对妈妈毛手毛脚前 Upstairs in the bathroom, right before you felt up Mom!
祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you
祝你生日快乐 亲爱的杰克 Happy birthday, dear Jack
祝你生日快乐 Happy birthday to you
看起来好漂亮 我喜欢 It looks so good! Oh, I love it.
对啊 我也喜欢 真高兴你强迫我刺青 I know, so do I! I'm so glad you made me do this.
好了 让我看你的 Okay, let me see yours.
好 再来看你 Let's see yours again.
菲比 我们刚看过我的 让我看你的 We just saw mine. Let me see yours.
不好了 Oh, no!
消失了 真奇怪 It's gone! That's so weird.
不知道它怎么会无影无踪 I don't know how, where it went.
你没刺青？ You didn't get it?
没 No.
你为什么没有？ Why not?
对不起… I'm sorry! I'm sorry!
你怎么可以这样对我？这都是你的主意 How could you do this to me? This was your idea!
我知道 我本来要刺 但是他拿着这种针头出现 I know! I was gonna get it, but he came in with this needle.
你知道他们用针头干嘛？ And did you know they do this with needles?
真的？不会吧？ Really? You don't say?
因为我的是由猫咪舔上去的 Because mine was licked on by kittens!
- 嗨 - 嗨 - Hey. - Hey.
我很抱歉… I'm sorry about what...
- 对 我也是 - 我懂 - Yeah, me too. - I know.
我们需要抱抱吗？ Do we need to hug?
不 我们没事 No, we're all right.
我准备了东西要给你 So I got you something.
塑胶汤匙 Plastic spoons!
- 太好了 - 任你舔 我的朋友 - Great! - Lick away, my man!
在我买真正的汤匙之前 很适合在我的新家使用 These will go great in my new place till I get real ones.
什么？ What?
我不能老是使用这种东西 这对环境不友善 I can't use these forever. They're no friend of the environment.
不 我是说你的什么新家？ No, I mean what's this about your new place?
我要搬出去 我们讨论过了 I'm moving out, like we talked about.
我以为那不是认真的 I didn't think that was serious.
我以为那只是拌个嘴 You know, I thought that was just a fight.
对 那是拌嘴 Well, it was a fight...
可是话题是认真的 记得吗？ based on serious stuff, remember?
有关我从来没一个人住？ About how I never lived alone or anything?
我想这样对我有益 能帮助我成长… I think it would be good for me. Help me to grow...
有的没的 or whatever.
那就这样吧 Well, there you go.
你可以接受吧？ Hey, are you cool with this?
我不想害你进退两难 I don't wanna leave you high and dry.
进退对我一向都不难 I've never been lower or wetter.
我会没事的 我要把你的… I'll be fine. I'll just turn your...
卧室改成游戏间 bedroom into a game room.
把手足球桌摆进去 Put the foosball table in there.
为什么是你保留这桌子？ Why do you get to keep the table?
我出了一半的钱买下 I did pay for half of it.
另外一半是我出的 I paid for the other half.
我告诉你 我们用比赛决定 I'll tell you what. I'll play you for it.
好 跟你拼了 All right, you're on.
今天我能抽个两分钟修理你 I can take two minutes out of my day to kick your ass.
我得的分 会比你妹被上过的次数还多 Your men will get scored on more times than your sister.
哇 哇 哇 哇 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
哪个妹妹？ Which sister?
你会难过我告诉他们了吗？ So are you sorry that I told them?
不 你爸和我很久没去跑步了 No. It's been a long time since your dad and I went running.
你们刺了吗？让我看 Did you get it?
- 罗斯在吗？ - 他去买披萨 - Is Ross here? - He went out for pizza.
好 快来秀一下 Okay, really quick.
真漂亮 That's great!
很有品味 Very tasteful.
- 想看我的吗… ？ - 好啊 - Wanna see mine? Wanna see mine? - Yes!
什么？你又没刺青 What? You didn't get one.
好吧 不然这是什么？ Okay. Well then, what is this?
我们在看什么？ What are we looking at?
蓝色雀斑？ That blue freckle?
这是我的刺青 That's my tattoo.
那不是刺青 那什么也不是 That is not a tattoo. That is a nothing.
我终于押她坐回椅子上… I got her in the chair...
他还没怎么用针头刺到她 她就跳起来惨叫 就此结束 he barely touched her with the needle, she screamed and that was it.
好 嗨 Okay, hi!
假如你们不知道 这正是我要的 For your information, this is exactly what I wanted.
这是地球的刺青 从很远的地方看过来 This is a tattoo of the Earth as seen from a great, great distance.
这是我母亲从天堂看到我的样子 It's the way my mother sees me from heaven.
胡说八道 Oh, what a load of crap!
那是一个点 That is a dot!
你在天堂的母亲会说 "我的百合在哪儿？你真没种" Your mother's in heaven going, "Where the hell's my lily, you wuss!"
菲比 那不是刺青 这才是刺青 That is not a tattoo! This is a tattoo!
你去刺青？ You got a tattoo?
也许 Maybe.
不过只是个小刺青 菲比刺了全世界 But just a little one. Phoebe got the whole world!
让我看 Well, let me see.
怎么样？ Well?
相当… Well, it's really...
性感 sexy.
我从来没想过会这样 可是… I wouldn't have thought it would be, but...
哇 wow!
真的吗？ Really?
真的 那么… Yeah, so...
会不会痛？或者你能做某些事？ So is it sore? Or can you do stuff?
我想可以吧 I guess.
留点披萨给我们 Save us some pizza.
把球从角落里弄出来 Get it out of the corner!
传球 传球 Pass it! Pass it!
别再跟你的球员讲话 Stop talking to your men!
得分 Yes!
球桌是我的了 And the table is mine.
恭喜 Congratulations.
你们还是会来看我吧？ You guys will still come visit me, right?
当然 你的电视那么大 Oh, yeah! You got the big TV.
我们会常过去那里 We'll be over there all the time.
除了我们在这里的时候 Except when we are here.
我知道你只是搬到上城 不过我会很想念你 I know you're just moving uptown, but I'll really miss you.
对啊 你怎么会 不再住在走道对面了？ How can you not be across the hall anymore?
谁要来吃掉我们所有的食物 让我们的电话线都打结… Who's gonna eat all of our food and tie up our phone lines...
那是我的胸罩吗？ Is that my bra?
- 你拿我的胸罩干嘛？ - 不是你想的那样 - What are you doing with my bra? - It's not what you think.
我们用那个来在屋顶上弹水球 We used it to fling water balloons off the roof.
记得吗？那些国中生连弹过马路都办不到 Remember? Those kids couldn't even get theirs across the street.
我记得 Yeah, I remember.
咱们把剩下的搬上卡车 Let's bring the rest of these down to the truck.
你要我来… You want me to...
帮你搬手足球桌吗？ give you a hand with the foosball table?
不了 Nah...
你留着 你需要练习 You keep it. You need the practice.
谢了 Thanks.
那么… So...
我想就这样了 I guess this is it.
对… Yeah, right.
我想是的 I guess so.
听着… Listen...
我什么时候能再见到你？ When am I gonna see you?
我想 今晚在咖啡厅就可以 I'm guessing tonight at the coffeehouse.
对 好吧 Right. Yeah. Okay.
保重 Take care.